gender.power.academia

  • Common Declaration
  • Sign Now
  • Vignettes
  • Deutsch
✕

Care

I was a student of theatre studies. The interaction between students and especially the male lecturers was often, to put it positively, ‘informal’, to put it negatively, ‘without boundaries’. We regularly went to the pub together, lecturers were invited to private parties (and then attended), and we found ourselves as guests at a lecturer’s birthday party. I noticed that one of our lecturers, X, who was still writing his doctoral thesis, paid special attention to me. First of all, I felt honored. X put me forward as a student assistant for the research cluster for which he worked, although I was only in my second bachelor’s semester. I got the position. Our exchange intensified: We wrote chat messages back and forth until late at night, posted music videos on our fb pages, and arranged to meet for coffee on a regular basis. X took care of me during a time when I was often not feeling well. Among other things, he sort of forced me to write the paper, which I needed to hand in to successfully finish his seminar, by making sure I went to the library and worked on it. In the course of this constant exchange, X told me that he (in a steady relationship, one child) had been having an affair with a Master’s student for years. He was, so he told me, narcissistically inclined, and the love of just one woman was simply not enough for him. He told me all this with a wink, which I understood as: I need you to love me, too. I was getting worse and worse psychologically; the strange relationship with X was a factor that contributed to my bad constitution. Until then, X and I had only met during the day or in the presence of other people, but then X asked me if I wanted to come over to his place in the evening to watch the first episode of my favorite series, which he did not yet know. I agreed, but at the same time felt extremely uncomfortable with the thought that physical intimacy might now occur between us. But somehow I also had the feeling of being in debt after all the ‘care’ I had experienced from him. I was at a loss, so I went to him. We sat in his bed and watched the episode. I was very nervous and insecure and felt weak and small. He physically got worse and worse as the episode went on and he developed a fever, so we ended ‘our evenin’ after the episode finished. Later, he said to me, “I think it’s good that I got a fever that night.” I thought, “Yes.”

© 2022 AG gender.power.academia
  • Imprint
  • Privacy Policy
  • German
  • English
    Cookie-Zustimmung verwalten
    Wir verwenden Cookies, um unsere Website und unseren Service zu optimieren.
    Funktional Always active
    Die technische Speicherung oder der Zugang ist unbedingt erforderlich für den rechtmäßigen Zweck, die Nutzung eines bestimmten Dienstes zu ermöglichen, der vom Teilnehmer oder Nutzer ausdrücklich gewünscht wird, oder für den alleinigen Zweck, die Übertragung einer Nachricht über ein elektronisches Kommunikationsnetz durchzuführen.
    Vorlieben
    Die technische Speicherung oder der Zugriff ist für den rechtmäßigen Zweck der Speicherung von Präferenzen erforderlich, die nicht vom Abonnenten oder Benutzer angefordert wurden.
    Statistiken
    Die technische Speicherung oder der Zugriff, der ausschließlich zu statistischen Zwecken erfolgt. Die technische Speicherung oder der Zugriff, der ausschließlich zu anonymen statistischen Zwecken verwendet wird. Ohne eine Vorladung, die freiwillige Zustimmung deines Internetdienstanbieters oder zusätzliche Aufzeichnungen von Dritten können die zu diesem Zweck gespeicherten oder abgerufenen Informationen allein in der Regel nicht dazu verwendet werden, dich zu identifizieren.
    Marketing
    Die technische Speicherung oder der Zugriff ist erforderlich, um Nutzerprofile zu erstellen, um Werbung zu versenden oder um den Nutzer auf einer Website oder über mehrere Websites hinweg zu ähnlichen Marketingzwecken zu verfolgen.
    Manage options Manage services Manage vendors Read more about these purposes
    Einstellungen anzeigen
    {title} {title} {title}